every morning

waking early
from a dream of you kissing him goodbye
and feeling shitty when I come to this
world of opened eyes and closed minded people
where there are too many moments spent thinking of you
a waste
a war fought every morning born
desperate
for a taste of the unseen
the unfelt that I am feeling now
I was
so briefly filled
and emptied with
the low fluid of loveless isolation
now stuck in it
these shallow thoughts and hollow dreams
where time is like jello shots
and my mind is green with the mildew of untold moldy growths
a colony of lonely depression sitting for a session with the old broken bong
this morning dreams came again
like a song stuck in my head
this time
somehow we were together again
against all logic and reason in my conscious body
my subterranean dreamstate ego still can’t let go
and there I was in utter bliss
to hold you again
I told you I loved you
more then a friend but I woke up and it ended
I knew I shouldn’t feel that way
life is too short to be lived
tortured by illusions
but too long to lie alone all night
and dream of things
unreachable
out of touch with my own voice and your hands
I must learn the unteachable command to control my soul
it wont take many drugs to fill the hole
you left
it was always there anyways
it grows slightly bigger when I live with
but without you
everyday
every morning mourning the eventual rise and fall of the sun
every second waiting for what will never come from anything but the end of a gun
freedom bliss and something like this
an end to clouds of loneliness and the flashing pain
awaiting death
a rolling thunder pummels my
cerebral tunnel channeling the coming storm
into the songs of tiny droplets red